把孩子当做与自己一样的一个人真诚相对
Date of publication :2021-04-07 20:17

      清晨,小肥使劲踢床板,把大家都吵醒了。原来是弟弟二肥哼唧,把哥哥吵醒了。他还想再睡,被吵烦了就踢床板。我们都很生气,却也理解他其实也是受害者,于是思考该怎么帮助他理解困境以及怎样更好地解决问题。

      早餐时候,我们围绕爱家人和宽容对待家人的话题聊了许多,小肥也意识到了自己的问题,提出许多可行的建议,我们也宽容对待,并未过分苛责。

      这一天是周日,晚上照例有感恩时间,我提到了早上的事情,说道:虽然早上的事情让我和爸爸都很生气,但也正是因为这样,才让我们更加意识到之前你做大哥哥做得好的样子,对弟弟照顾有加,宽容友爱,我因此更加感谢之前你的大哥哥模样,所以,如果你还能像之前那样对待弟弟,我想我会更加感谢你。

      小肥微笑着点头,之后竟像变了一个人,吃完饭主动收拾碗筷,礼貌成熟的样子让我不敢相信,我和爸爸惊呼:这娃怎么变得这么天使?

      这是正面管教推崇的沟通方式,也是晨间日记带给我的启发:每天难免会发生消极的、让我情绪低落的事情,记录时,我可以变为“如果。。。那么”的方式:如果这件事情再次发生,那么我可以怎么做才能避免同样的后果?这样就能避免我沉溺在消极情绪中,而更能乐观地看待这件事情可能带给我的积极影响,并为将来面对同样的困境做好了准备。

      和自己的沟通方式如此,和孩子亦是如此。之前看《被讨厌的勇气》这本书得到了很多启发,尤其是哲人对“是否要把孩子当成一个成人来对待”的问题的答复:既不当作成人来对待也不当作孩子来对待;把孩子当做与自己一样的一个人真诚相对。

      我相信这能帮助解决亲子关系中的许多问题:

     既不当作孩子对待,就是不宠溺,但是相信他,尊重他的需求;

     也不当做成人对待,就是不过分要求,尊重他的发展规律和节奏。



Tags: 亲子关系如何对待孩子理解宽容沟通方式尊重对话
Hongxia Fu
Hongxia, mother of Florentin and Marius, holds Master Degree in French Literature and Culture at the University of Xiamen (China) and at the University of Lyon 3, and Master Degree of Entrepreneurship at EM Lyon Business School. Having been a professor of French language at the Dalian University of Foreign Languages, Tianjin University of Foreign Languages, and at Alliance Française in Tianjin from 2009 to 2012. Mrs. Fu continues her life and career in Lyon in France, in the language and cross-cultural education, as well as in operation of Sino-French commercial and cultural projects. Fascinated by the reciprocal development of children and their parents in a good parenting relationship, she devotes herself in the research and best practice of early childhood language development and the management of time and priority. "It's my honour to be invited by hihilulu, an excellent platform in the initiation of the Chinese language in young children, to share, through the journals I have been writing since 2014, the joys and success, frustration and relief. I would lke to communicate, share my experiences with parents like me, who not only want to support and guide children in learning Chinese language, but also in building good attitudes and healthy habits that will be essential and beneficial to throughout their life. "