清晨,小肥使劲踢床板,把大家都吵醒了。原来是弟弟二肥哼唧,把哥哥吵醒了。他还想再睡,被吵烦了就踢床板。我们都很生气,却也理解他其实也是受害者,于是思考该怎么帮助他理解困境以及怎样更好地解决问题。
早餐时候,我们围绕爱家人和宽容对待家人的话题聊了许多,小肥也意识到了自己的问题,提出许多可行的建议,我们也宽容对待,并未过分苛责。
这一天是周日,晚上照例有感恩时间,我提到了早上的事情,说道:虽然早上的事情让我和爸爸都很生气,但也正是因为这样,才让我们更加意识到之前你做大哥哥做得好的样子,对弟弟照顾有加,宽容友爱,我因此更加感谢之前你的大哥哥模样,所以,如果你还能像之前那样对待弟弟,我想我会更加感谢你。
小肥微笑着点头,之后竟像变了一个人,吃完饭主动收拾碗筷,礼貌成熟的样子让我不敢相信,我和爸爸惊呼:这娃怎么变得这么天使?
这是正面管教推崇的沟通方式,也是晨间日记带给我的启发:每天难免会发生消极的、让我情绪低落的事情,记录时,我可以变为“如果。。。那么”的方式:如果这件事情再次发生,那么我可以怎么做才能避免同样的后果?这样就能避免我沉溺在消极情绪中,而更能乐观地看待这件事情可能带给我的积极影响,并为将来面对同样的困境做好了准备。
和自己的沟通方式如此,和孩子亦是如此。之前看《被讨厌的勇气》这本书得到了很多启发,尤其是哲人对“是否要把孩子当成一个成人来对待”的问题的答复:既不当作成人来对待也不当作孩子来对待;把孩子当做与自己一样的一个人真诚相对。
我相信这能帮助解决亲子关系中的许多问题:
既不当作孩子对待,就是不宠溺,但是相信他,尊重他的需求;
也不当做成人对待,就是不过分要求,尊重他的发展规律和节奏。
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